Trigger warning —
JJ’s Light…
We lost JJ to suicide late June 2025. A truth that is still hard to fully accept.
JJ is the moniker we have chosen for our child, born Jake transitioned to Jaina.
Jaina struggled much of her youth, as a boy named Jake who was always a little different than other boys. Jake was smart, hilarious, curious, and creative with a strong female energy. As a teen he bravely came out as gay. Even after being bullied, assaulted, he advocated for himself and others afraid to come out and formed the first gay/straight alliance at his high school. He wanted so fiercely to create acceptance and understanding for everyone. Still, he was often misunderstood, discriminated against and facing internal struggles most of us could only imagine. The mental health challenges were real and deep and ongoing.
Yet there was a light, a love for life and a hunger to self actualize – he persisted.
In his 20s he came out as Jaina – her true self.
Jaina showed up as her full embodied self and she said to us ‘I’m finally me.’ What a revelation for those of us who loved her. What a relief for HER.
Her whole life changed, she thrived, built new relationships, explored her spirituality, found her style, and helped Jaina begin to step into her rightful place in this life. A place of love and acceptance, opportunity and support.
We knew it wasn’t an easy path – particularly in today’s hostile environment. We wanted her to love herself the way we all loved her – fully and unconditionally.
Then the darkness escalated – the vitriol, the hate, the threats, the discriminatory laws – a community already fighting for their rights and dignity were faced with an onslaught of attacks. Jaina felt it all. She was scared and she decided to present male – because presenting as her self didn’t feel safe for her. She told us she was fine, she knew who she was. This was no simple decision – the consequences were so much more than how she dressed. There were biological factors, obvious mental health stressors, and a subversion of a young woman’s very identity. She wasn’t fine. How could she be?
Six months later we lost her.
Nearly 50% of trans people will attempt suicide.
Studies show this is due to discrimination, lack of support, access to care – all things that don’t have to be.
Jaina is not a statistic. She’s not a posterchild for trans women. She is our daughter.
She was a young woman who made incredible art, music and was a deep and brilliant thinker. She recently started studying philosophy and thinking she finally might have the courage to pursue higher education. She had a future waiting for her.
The last words she left for us were that her wish was for everyone to live life to the fullest.
There are so many beautiful LGBQT people who need our love and support. They each have their own story – filled with pain and joy and everything in between.
We are so honored that PFlag has created the JJ’s Light Scholarship to shine a light on LGBQT+ youth and help them chase their dreams and build a bright future. We know JJ will be cheering the recipients on – as will we all.
To the PFlag community – we thank you.
To the LGBQT+ community – we see you.
To all who support PFlag’s wonderful work – we love you.
Jonathan Berman, JJ’s father, Melissa Haerer, JJ’s mother, Allyson Smith, JJ’s sister
